Manic depression must be awful. The world closes in on you and you cant do nothing about it. My cousin used to hide beneath the stairs of his school all day. He is still hanging on to his hell. Says he likes the sadness. I dont believe him but there is nothing coming from him that is not truth. The bare basic truth. Thats the part of his hell. He cant ignore the ugliness we normal ones do. Manic depression makes you see the world bare naked. The hope dies.
Today has been very lonesome. It is part of my sunday evening hangover. It will pass but I am scared this one might leave a mark. Will I be able to love so willingly ever again? The rational part says no and there is a hope which says you do fall in love and there is only one way to fall that is to let go. I have this urge to hear her when I know it will only throw me more into the depths.